Asylum
by Skiltch
Summary: Shikamaru was an ordinary guy in modern Japan. But when he began having dreams of being a ninja, of manipulating his shadow, things got weird. And when they get too strong and he's sent to an asylum, reality suddenly begins to seem... unreal.
1. Locked away

ASYLUM

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. I am making no money off of this.

CHAPTER 1:

Locked away

-----

Shikamaru Nara held his suitcase. "Mom. Please don't make me do this…"

"It's for your own good, sweetheart. They'll fix you in no time." His mom seemed very sad too. "I… I wish you didn't have to go, but you need to."

"No, I don't." Shikamaru sighed. "I don't need this. I'm fine."

"Shikamaru?" A man in a white coat had exited the building. "Are you Shikamaru?"

"Mom!" yelled Shikamaru desperately. "Mom, please--"

His mom only said, "I'm sorry, dear… you need help."

The white coat man put a hand on Shikamaru's shoulder. "Come on. We need to get you checked in."

Shikamaru pulled away, began running--

The man caught him, easily flipped him and threw him down. "Don't run. This is for your own good, Shikamaru."

"But… but…"

"It's not something to be ashamed of, and it's not your fault. You have a… bad mind, I suppose. We'll get you through it. Don't worry." The doctor spoke soothingly, and he helped Shikamaru up. "Come on."

-----

He led Shikamaru through the doors of the Tokyo Mental Hospital, and behind them, Mrs. Nara -- a computer company executive whose son had so recently confided to her that he thought he could move shadows and paralyze others with them -- sobbed, then got in her car and drove away.

"This will be your room. Your roommate is… uh… Chouji Akimichi." The doctor extended his hand. "Why don't you unpack, then head down for dinner? I'm Doctor Azuma."

"Uh, nice to meet you." Shikamaru sighed. "How long will I be in here?"

"Until we cure you. Essentially, once we can get you to reject the idea of having supernatural powers, you can go."

Shikamaru smiled. "Fine. I reject it. I rejected it before -- my mom just wouldn't listen."

"It's not that simple. We'll need to do a lot of tests on you to make sure you're telling the truth. After all, you did try showing people in school by 'paralyzing your teacher?'"

"Mr. Morton? I was just kidding around." He hadn't been -- the dreams had been coming, stronger than ever, and in a fit of whimsy, he'd twisted his hands around oddly (he'd just seemed to know how to put them) and yelled 'jitsu of me and my shadow!' But his teacher hadn't seen it funny, had gotten the principal, and when he'd told them about his dreams and all, they'd sent him here.

If only he hadn't said that… but he was lazy, and getting yelled at for an hour over practical jokes seemed to be harder than being told not to dream anymore. He hadn't seen their reaction coming.

Azuma was talking again. "Well… we'll see. It's been going around, we've had eight others come in thinking they were ninjas of some sort. Chouji's one of them. But don't worry about that now. Here--" he gave Shikamaru a book. "Psychology 101. Study it, you'll see how your mind can fool you."

Shikamaru tried one last time. "But… I'm not insane. Really. I know I have no powers, and I'm brilliant -- IQ of 209 -- so I know there isn't even any such thing! Why am I here?"

"Sorry." Azuma shrugged. "We just want to keep you safe." He left.

Shikamaru groaned and flopped onto his bed. He wasn't crazy. Sure, he'd had fancies about being a ninja and having powers, but what kid didn't? Who didn't say, "Watch out, or I'll become the next Michael Jordan" or something like that? Okay, so his choice of hero was more… eclectic, but what was bad about that?

Well… yes, he had tried experimenting with these powers that he was oddly sure he had. And yes, when he was alone, he could swear that he could throw knives well… jump multiple feet in the air… even extend his shadow by a visible length. But when someone came along he couldn't…

_Maybe I really am mad..._

_-----_

AN: Thus endth the first chapter.

By the way, could someone please tell me how to do paragraph breaks without the dashed lines?


	2. Meet the inmates

Chapter 2

Meet the Inmates

-----

He met Chouji just as he was finishing putting away some of his shirts.

"Shiki?" called a voice from the doorway.

"Shiki?" repeated Shikamaru. He turned to see an enormously fat boy waddle through the door. "I'm Shikamaru. Shikamaru Nara."

"Yeah, but I call you Shiki, remember?"  
"Uh, dude… we just met." Shikamaru didn't even know how the guy knew his name, until he realized that Asuma had probably told Chouji who his roommate would be.

"No, no we didn't! You must not remember yet… I'm Chouji, remember? The plump guy?"

"I gathered that."

"And I can inflate! With the meatball attack! Look!" He brought his hands together. "BAKA NO JITSU!"

Nothing happened.

Chouji's face fell. "Well… it didn't work this time. I didn't have enough food."

"Uh huh." Shikamaru paled. Was this what he looked like when he tried using his power?

_Wow. I hope not._

Chouji shook his head. "Come on, let's meet Ino. She was the third person on our three-man squad. Don't you remember any of our missions?"

"Chouji, I don't know you."

"You'll remember. Come on!"

-----

Shikamaru let himself be dragged over to another room, this one with pink wallpaper. "Ino, guess who's here?" called Chouji.

"SHIKI!" Ino came running out of the room and hugged him. "I've missed you! So they got you too, huh? Don't worry, we won't let them make you forget!"

Shikamaru backed away slowly. "What is this, a shared delusion?"

"Hey! It's not a delusion. It's real."

"What's going on?" Ino's roommate came out. "Oh, you must be the newbie. I'm Sakura Haruno. Nice to meet you!"

"Yeah… so you think you're a ninja too, I guess?"

Sakura frowned. "Well, I did…"

"Sakura!" cried Ino. "It's real, you know that! Don't give in!"

Sakura shook her head. "Shikamaru, it's not real. I thought I was some sort of fighter… kuonichi, I think, was the word… but I know I'm not. Here."

She took a pencil from her pocket and threw it with all her might at a wall. It bounced off.

"I used to think I could throw knives and take out humans at a pretty long range." She chuckled. "But they helped me learn that I couldn't."

"You're not trying!" Ino grabbed Sakura. "I'll show you!" She waved her hands.

Sakura sighed. "She's trying the possession jitsu…"

Nothing happened.

Ino straightened, looking tired. "Not enough chakra…".

"Uh huh." Sakura smiled at Shikamaru. "Don't worry."

Chouji stood in front of the newbie. "I won't let you hurt him!"

"Right… well, I'm hungry and I'm going to dinner. See you!" Sakura smiled cheerfully and walked off.

Chouji sighed. "She never had a special jitsu, that's why she fell so easily… man, remember when I didn't believe either?"

Ino nodded. "Yeah, I had to work on you for two weeks! But I got you to see the truth."

Shikamaru did not find this comforting. "So… who else is here?"

-----

The next room was a single. Hinata Hyuuga was sitting on the floor, practicing something Shikamaru vaguely recognized as a judo katra.

"Hi, Hinata," said Ino. "Shikamaru's here!"

"Oh! Uh, hi.." Hinata blushed, as usual. "Nice to see you again."

"We don't know each other!" said Shikamaru, exasperated.

"Uh… we were on different squads, but we knew each other from the Ninja Academy." Hinata fiddled with her pullover. "Kiba didn't want me to know you. He thought you would be a bad influence--"

"I DON'T KNOW YOU!" yelled Shikamaru, losing his patience and temper. "We've never met! We're all suffering some sort of… I don't know… group delusion or something!"

Hinata looked like she might cry.

"Uh… I mean…"

Hinata turned away. "I'm busy. I want to finish my katra, and practice the Byakuagen."

"The what?"

"The all-seeing eye. You'll remember." Hinata began going back into her moves.

Shikamaru sighed. "Who else here believes in this?"

"Four others," said Chouji. "Four remember… Naruto, Sasuke, Kiba, and Shino. We can meet them at dinner."

"Great…"


	3. Ino, Asuma, and the annoying Naruto

Chapter 3

Ino, Asuma, and the Annoying Naruto

-----

At dinner, Shikamaru noticed that the residents who believed that they had super ninja powers -- Chouji, Ino, Hinata, and the four he hadn't met yet -- all sat at the far end of the table. He and Sakura were allowed to sit together with Azuma and another doctor named Kakashi.

"I'm so glad you're normal…" said Shikamaru to Sakura. "It's really helpful. My roommate thinks he can become a giant meatball."

Sakura laughed. "Mine thinks she can possess people. It's so weird… what could cause us all to believe this, and know each other -- though we never met?"

Azuma frowned. "We aren't sure. If you really do comprehend reality, we'd like to test you, see why you two aren't vulnerable."

"Sure." Sakura looked at the others. "I pity them… Ino… on the fast track to becoming a model, and went crazy in the middle of a photo shoot… and Shino, his dad was that brilliant zoologist…"

"What about the blond guy?" Shikamaru pointed at the loud and rambunctious Naruto, who had jumped up on a chair.

"SHADOW CLONE!" he yelled.

As usual, nothing happened.

"Uh… must not have eaten enough… HEY!" Kakashi had gotten up and was dragging him away.

"I warned you, one more trick and you'd go to solitary," said the doctor.

"No! No!" But Naruto couldn't resist Kakashi's strength. "Guys, help!"

"He's just some idiot from around here," Sakura sighed.

Meanwhile, Sasuke curled his lip. "Loser."

"You're one to talk. He fought Orochimaru when you just froze!" said Ino. "You admitted it!"

"Yeah, well, that's because he's an idiot."

Shikamaru put his head in his hands. "I don't believe this…"

"Feel sorry for Doctor Kurenai. None of her patients are even close to waking up yet." Azuma looked forlorn. "And she's had Hinata for at least a couple of weeks, with no improvement…"

Shikamaru lost his appetite at that unpleasant news.

-----

Later, Shikamaru looked up when all the others, save only team 7, filed into his room.

_Argh! Why do they have to give us an hour of free time before bed! Oh well, if they won't leave I can call the doctors. _"Get out!"

"I don't think so." Chouji sat on his bed. "Where are the rest, Ino?"

"Sakura stopped believing, Naruto's in solitary, Sasuke didn't want to help," said Ino, obviously annoyed at the last. "So anyway, Chouji says you still don't believe, Shika."

"And I'm not going to." Shikamaru backed up until his hand found the alarm -- each bed had one, in case of psychotic attack by roommate or neighbor. "Get out!"

Kiba suddenly lunged, in an impossibly fast move, and knocked his hand away. "Hiya!"

Shikamaru's eyes widened. That wasn't normal -- or was it? Athletes could do it, and Kiba was muscular beneath his stupid jacket. He was probably just a jock.

"Let's see… what do we know about you?" Kiba grinned. "Well, to start... you have a girlfriend -- Temari."

"Hey!" That was definitely uncool. Temari -- a beautiful basketball player who went to Shikamaru's high school -- and he had gone out once or twice. But there was no way Kiba could know that, unless…

Kiba thought he knew Shikamaru, due to his delusions. Maybe, to further delude himself, he'd done research? Temari's date was quickly spread all over the town, since she dated so few guys. Maybe Kiba lived near there. Or maybe Kiba had read about him -- Shikamaru's brilliance got him into the news now and again.

No, there was no proof yet…

"Nice try," Shikamaru snarled. "I'm sure you looked that up. Get out!"

"We just want to talk." Ino sat on the ground. "Just… just listen. Our first day in the Academy, we sat in the back. You said that Sasuke was ugly and I hit you on the head…"

-----

"…and then you got a kunai stuck up your butt."

Shikamaru shivered. She described several of his dreams… what he felt, somehow, was true. But it couldn't be!

There, out the window -- that was Tokyo. A city that shouldn't exist if his world did! Lights, cars, planes, big yachts, his school…

It couldn't! No matter how many coincidences happened!  
"It's not true!" he yelled, jumping up. "It's not true!"

"The doctors are lying. They know the truth but won't tell us," insisted Ino.

"No!"

Chouji sighed. "Maybe tomorrow. Come on, guys. Get out of here."

They left.

-----

The next day, Shikamaru sat with Asuma and talked with him about the various problems of the insane.

"…Naruto's the worst. He thinks he's powerful, and keeps trying to beat up the doctors. He's delusion, but that hasn't stopped him. I'm glad you're sane." Asuma gave an encouraging smile.

"I'm glad I am too." Shikamaru shrugged. "Do you have a go set in here?"

"I do, actually. Want to play?"  
"Sure." Shikamaru grinned. "I never lose."

"Neither do I," said Asuma with a gleam in his eye.

-----

"You lose."

Asuma groaned. "Wow. I got trounced."  
"Yep."

Shikamaru began putting away the pieces. "So… what do you think, exactly, is wrong with the others?"

"I'm not sure… it would help if you told us exactly what was in your dreams." Asuma picked up a clipboard. "Everything. Teachers, friends, passwords, moves... even what kind of flowers are in the bushes."

"All right. That shouldn't be too bad. Um… want me to describe how I think of the others first?"  
"Okay. In your dreams and your subconscious… let's start with Ino. What kind of person is she?"

"Loud mouthed, shrill, a Sasuke fangirl. She can possess people, but isn't skilled otherwise. Usually wears pretty clothes, and she works in her mom's flower shop."

"That's fine for now on her. And… Chouji?"

-----

It was hours later, and Shikamaru was exhausted, but Asuma clapped him on the back.

"We've made an excellent start. I can practically sense your skepticism now." The doctor grinned. "Remember, that ninja stuff is a nice delusion, but that's it."

"I know."

Shikamaru left, then frowned. "Hey, is there a library or something around here?"

"Yeah. Down the hall, to the right."

-----

Shikamaru smiled as he sank into a big, plush chair and picked up a book. This was… tolerable, at least. And, frankly, it was kind of nice to get away from his mom for a few days.

"Nag, nag, nag…"

But he'd barely opened the book when he heard a scream of joy, then saw Naruto -- running and hopping across the shelves, in leaps that were long, but didn't need special powers.

"Hey Shikamaru, come join me!" he called.

"Get down, you idiot!"

"Idiot, am I?" Naruto grinned, then suddenly pulled a dinner knife from his pocket. "I'll show you!" He threw it.

"Aaaah!" Shikamaru jumped…

Up…

And up…

He caught onto the top edge of a bookshelf and finished swinging himself up before he even realized what he'd done. "What in the…"

He hadn't known he could do that.

Not that it was physically impossible, of course. He'd sprung up from a chair in pure fright and panic. Of course he'd jumped high. And grabbing the shelf… was probably just luck.

Right?

"Told ya you can do taijitsu!" laughed Naruto. "Ha ha! Believe it!"

"Little punk…" growled Shikamaru, jumping down. "There's no such things as ninjas!"

"Yes there are!"

A staff member came over. "Is there a problem -- get down from there, Naruto!"  
Naruto stuck out his tongue and ran off.

Shikamaru sighed. On second thought, he wanted to go home.


	4. Another lost cause

Chapter 4

Another Lost Cause

-----

Two days passed. Shikamaru called home and told his mom he was getting better. She was overjoyed.

Chouji and the others kept working on him, but he resisted them as best he could. He did just fine too, until one afternoon.

"Alright. I found the thing that'll convince you," said Chouji one day.

"Oh really?" asked Shikamaru. He was lying on his bed, trying to nap.

"Yes." Chouji smiled and took out some grapes from a box in his pocket. "These enhance chakra. Shino got them smuggled in."

"Uh huh." Shikamaru looked at them. "Grapes?"

"Grapes from the village of sand!"

"Um… is that in a desert?"

"Yes…"

"How do they grow grapes?"

Chouji scowled. "Just eat them."

Shikamaru did so. Contrary to what Chouji expected, he did not burst out muscles and turn into Shikamaru the Strongman.

Instead, Chouji just said, "Now… try your jitsu."

Shikamaru sighed and moved his hands in the signs he somehow knew fit. Who knew? Maybe it would work.

_I'll get in the mood. Okay. It's true. It's true. It's true. _"Me-and-my-shadow!"

And his shadow stretched out and hit Chouji.

-----

Shikamaru almost collapsed. "What in the world…"

Chouji had gone stiff.

Shikamaru cautiously raised an arm, and Chouji mirrored him. "You're mocking me," said Shikamaru, a note of madness in his voice. "STOP IT!"

"I'm not! I have to do anything you do!"

"Oh really? Fine!" Shikamaru began running at Chouji, who ran backwards at exactly the same pace. "If you can't stop you'll hit the wall!"

"Stop it, Shiki!"

But Shikamaru kept running.

Chouji slammed into the wall, hard. Very hard. And then and only then did Shikamaru stop.

"Wow."

Chouji slid down. "Oww… that hurt, man!"

"You didn't stop."

"I couldn't."

Shikamaru's shadow moved back to normal.

Shikamaru suddenly felt woozy, and he collapsed in a heap.

-----

He woke up in a medical room.

"Easy. Chouji came to us and said you'd run out of 'chakra.'" Azuma smiled.

"Doctor Azuma…" Shikamaru weakly tugged at his sleeve.

"Yes?"

"It was… I did it. I moved my shadow. I controlled Chouji."

"What?

"I controlled Chouji. With chakra."

Azuma sighed. "You believe it."

"I… I have to." Shikamaru looked unhappy. "I'm a scholar. I'm brilliant...at least they tell me that I am. I can't ignore evidence, and I saw it… I saw my shadow get longer, shorter…"

Azuma said, "Shikamaru, we both know it isn't physically possible."

"But I saw it! I did it!"

Azuma got up, sadly. "So I've lost you too." He went off.

"Wait!" But Azuma was gone.


	5. A family visit

Chapter 5

A Family Visit

-----

Two days later, Shikamaru was released from the hospital wing, just in time for a family visit.

"Mom… Dad…" He went to hug them, but Azuma blocked him.

"Sorry. No contact allowed," said Azuma.

"But…"

His mom looked pitiful. "My boy… my boy… doctor, can't you cure him?"

"We'll try. We had one cured patient check out today. Haruno Sakura."

"So there's hope!"

"Yes. But Shikamaru, frankly, took a turn for the worse two days ago. If you could…"

"We'll do our best," said his dad. "Could we have some privacy?" He seemed angry.

Asuma left.

His dad looked at Shikamaru. "Boy… I don't know what's wrong with you… just fight it, okay?"

"Dad…"

He thought of showing them, even contemplated trying the jitsu. But they'd see --

No, wait a minute.

He went behind Asuma's desk. "Look, I'm really trying…"

Under the desk, his hands formed the necessary signs --

And his shadow went out --

But not beyond the desk. He wasn't strong enough, not now, not after collapsing two days ago, to move it far yet.

He sighed and flopped into Asuma's chair. "I'm sorry…"

"It's not your fault." His mom looked like she was about to cry.

His dad, always with a bit of a temper, snapped, "But why would you tell people these crazy things, boy? Why? Dr. Asuma says you told him two days ago you could move your shadow and control some fat kid!"

"It's what I thought I saw --"

"Then you're not trying!" his dad roared.

"Kanji Nara!" said his mom. "He's trying--"

"Look, even if you saw something crazy, why'd you tell your doctor? This is going on your record, Shikamaru! You're supposed to transfer to the gifted school next year, if you're here for much longer it'll be reported and you'll be dumped!"

"His health is--"

"There's nothing wrong with him that couldn't be cured if he didn't want to make a scene." His dad crossed his arms. "You think you can do weird things? Fine. Do it. Right now."

"Dad--"

"NOW!"

His mom was weeping by the side, seemingly helpless against his dad's rage.

Shikamaru sighed. "Fine… jitsu of me-and-my-shadow!"

Nothing happened. Not even a flicker.

"See?"

"But…"

He could just be out of energy. He was exhausted. Or… he could have hallucinated earlier. Five minutes ago, and two days. That wasn't impossible. That was probable.

But it felt so real…

His mom suddenly hugged him. He hugged her back, saying nothing.

Then his dad was tugging his mom. "Let's go, Lotus."

Weeping, she left with him.

Shikamaru was about to leave when Asuma reentered. "You have another visitor."

Shikamaru turned to see Temari enter.

"Temari…"

-----

He loved her. More than his books and his brain, more than his freedom. She had faded from his thoughts in his first few days here, as he dealt with Chouji and Ino and Asuma and being able to perform supernatural powers (sort of).

But she was here…

Her beauty came rushing back to him. And her wit. And the rest of her...

"Temari…" he repeated. He ran to hug her -- but she blocked him.

"Don't."

Ah, yes. Her… hardness. He'd always been very impressed by intelligent, tough women who wouldn't put up with the junk of chivalry and the trash of 'feminine wiles' anymore than they'd put up with lecherous oafs. And Temari was the epitome of that.

That said, it could be a problem now, Temari's hardness.

"Your parents say you're ill of your own volition. That you aren't trying to get better. That you're being weak… and lazy… and soft."

"No…"

"That you know that it's all a lie, but you say it anyway!" snapped Temari. "When we dated, you were smart and intelligent… not like this simpering oaf!"

Knowing that it would be useless to grovel, to beg, or to make up some stupid line of poetry a la Cyrano de Bergerac, that famous creation of the French playwright Edmund Rostand, Shikamaru said, "I'm doing my best. I admit -- I've seen things with my eyes that make no sense. I don't know whether to believe or not--"

"How can you believe in magic? You can't demonstrate it under any conditions, except when others of your delusion watch!"

"Because my eyes said that I ran Chouji into a wall with it."

"But Chouji's under the same delusion as you, right? Asuma said that he was your roommate. He probably went backwards because he thought he had too -- because that's what he thought anyone would do when you did whatever weird thing you did!"

He hadn't considered that. "You're… you're right. I hadn't thought of that."

_So it isn't true after all!_

Temari smiled just a bit. "So you were just stupid instead of weak. Well, as long as it was a momentary lapse…"

Shikamaru tried to hug her again, and this time, she let him. "You're right… I know now. It's all fake. Delusions. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I'll fight it… and I'll come back to you."

"Aww, how sweet. Excuse me while I puke."

Shikamaru grinned. "How soon do you think they'll let me out?"

-----

"One month, maybe two." Asuma looked at his chart. "That's if you're as you've been -- occasional lapses, resistance. If you cooperate, I'd see a week at most."

"A whole week? But I'm better!"

Shikamaru had slept like a log, without a single dream about being a ninja. He'd gotten up and groomed without once feeling the urge to flick his comb like a kunai knife across the room. He'd utterly ignored Chouji and Ino, and Kiba , Hinata, and Saskue too (Naruto, who had knocked him over with a thrown library book, was impossible to ignore, but the others were easier).

Shikamaru was fully prepared to state confidently, under a polygraph if need be, that everything he'd thought was wrong. That ninjas with chakras did not exist. That jitsus were fake, that genjitsu and ninjitsu were nonsense, that taijitsu was just another martial art. All of that.

What he wasn't prepared to do was to be denied exit.

"It's policy. You could relapse at any time." Ignoring Shikamaru's protests, Asuma nodded thoughtfully. "I'll also need to interview you some more. About everything. We'll start tomorrow, maybe after a game of go -- I want a rematch." He smiled winningly. "Go to dinner. It's pizza and spaghetti tonight. Little treat from Italy, in honor of cultural diversity."

-----

The meal was great, but Shikamaru ate in silence. Sakura's departure left him without sane friends.

Shino finally looked up at the rambunctious Kiba. "Dude. Be quiet or I'll sic my bugs on you."

"Try it! Akamaru and I could take you any day!"

"Akamaru isn't here," said Shino.

Shikamaru sighed. This was depressing.

Kiba looked at Shikamaru. "Hanging in there, dude?"

"We won't let him fall." Chouji grabbed Shikamaru's arm. "We'll help!"

"Yeah!" Ino grinned widely. "We'll watch over him! Night and day! Even though the doctors are lying to us!"

"If I really were a ninja, the first thing I'd do would be to hide from you two," muttered Shikamaru.

"What?"

"Nothing…"

Sasuke got up. "You're all idiots." That seemed to be the only thing he ever said.

Shikamaru too rose. "Maybe I should just go to bed…"


	6. A gift, escape, one final test

Chapter 6

A Gift, Escape, one Final Test

-----

The next morning, it was time for another game of go, followed by another interrogation session. This one had Shikamaru listing all of his moves.

"Jitsu of me-and-my-shadow. Jitsu of substitution. Jitsu of replication…"

Asuma noted down everything. "Could you perform them?"

Shikamaru did so. Nothing happened, of course, but he made the signs.

"Wonderful…"

A thought occurred to Shikamaru. If the doctors were indeed lying, as the others seemed to think-- not that they were, of course -- but suppose they were just for a moment… Asuma might write down something true that Shikamaru didn't say, or said wrong.

Why not find out?  
"And I was in team 8, by the way." He said this clearly. He, of course, was in team 10.

Asuma just wrote.

Near the end, Shikamaru snuck a peak at Asuma's sheet. It said that Shikamaru was in team… 8.

Whew.

It wasn't proof, but it was more evidence that reality was… real.

Shikamaru corrected the error, then left the room, feeling much better.

-----

Chouji was sweating like a pig when Shikamaru returned. "They turned off the AC, Shika!"

_First Shiki, now Shika… sigh_. Shikamaru just said, "It's a hot day. The fuse probably blew."

"No. I think it's to make us even weaker. So we can't use our chakra."

"Oh brother… look, I'll ask my parents to bring a fan if they see me again, okay?"

"Really? Thanks, Shika!"

-----

Two days passed. Nothing exciting happened.

Shikamaru was getting bored.

He was told he had another family visit. He smiled -- this would be nice. He could tell his dad and mom that he was almost out.

"They're bringing a gift. Some kind of huge fan." Asuma frowned. "Any particular reason?"

Shikamaru grinned. The AC had been fixed, but maybe Chouji could use it anyway -- the fat boy sweated like a pig. "Thanks, doctor Asuma."

"No problem. You can check out in three days -- you tell them that." Asuma smiled and left.

Shikamaru grinned.

-----

His dad and mom entered, tugging a large fan. "Sweetie…"

"Mom… um, what's that?"

They looked at the large foldable paper fan. "A fan," his mom said.

"I kind of meant a metal one… you know, they go around and cool the room…"

"Oh. Sorry, dearie." His mom frowned. "You're sure?"

"It doesn't matter."

His mom approached, then stepped back a pace. "They said we still can't hug you, but… dearie…" His mom cried tears of relief. "I heard you're better…"

"That's what they say."

"Took your time, boy." His dad frowned, but then sighed and smiled. "Still, nice to have you back."

"Thanks, dad."

He suddenly felt himself getting a bit teary. After this nightmare, being trapped with crazies, being locked up in an insane asylum… he was going home. Soon. And his parents were back with him (or would be soon), his girlfriend still cared for him…

Life was great.

-----

A doubt still plagued his mind as he lay in bed the final night. What if he was wrong?

It was crazy. Beyond crazy. But his mind, his brilliant mind, kept asking, 'what if?'

After all, what were the odds that some virus had infected these nine students, given them shared -- yet distinct -- memories and visions, made them know each other in dreams, and couldn't be found medically?

Yet that was what had happened…

"There's no more tests I can think of…"

Suddenly, he heard a loud crash from outside.

He rolled to his window to see the blue-shirted guy, Sasuke, running for the gate.

"Stop him!" Doctors and security guards were running.

Sasuke didn't even slow down when he got to the first guard -- he just karate chopped him, and the guy went down like a sack of rice. He flipped over and kept going.

_Wow -- but that's just martial arts. He'd have to be really good at them, but it's nothing supernatural._

Sasuke defeated the next guard with another martial arts move, but when two others got close things went bad.

The blue-shirted boy made several hand signs, then yelled, "Fireball jitsu!" But nothing happened, and in the next minute a guard had tackled him and was binding him with handcuffs. Another dashed out of a storage shed with a straightjacket.

As Sasuke was bound and carried away, Shikamaru went back to his bed.

_See? If he had real powers, they would have shown._

But he couldn't shut up that little part of his mind that kept saying, _but what if…_

_-----_

As Shikamaru packed, his mind grumbled anxiously. It didn't want to let the fantasy go.

_Look, I've shown it, There are no ninja powers. Remember what Temari said? Chouji was deluded when he backed up. I was deluded when my shadow moved. And Sasuke couldn't use his powers against the staff, and it all makes absolutely perfect sense…_

But there was something he was missing. One thing, though he had no idea what, that was just slipping past him.

_I wish I could get rid of these dreams… it's so troublesome! I'll see Naruto again, and Chouji and Ino, and Kiba and Sasuke, all when I'm just trying to sleep… it's so ridiculous! Even Temari…_

That caused him to pause. Suppose Chouji had, as he thought, moved back because he was deluded. Temari was under no such delusion. If he could perhaps influence Temari?

No way. He was surely wrong, and she'd dump him in less time than it took Chouji to eat a plate of sushi. He couldn't risk it. Not that she'd mind possibly getting hurt -- once he hadn't taken a shortcut because he hadn't wanted to walk her through a dangerous area, and when she learned this she'd made it quite clear that he need not concern himself with her welfare -- but she'd think him an idiot.

_In my dreams Temari wields giant fans! Could I trick her into using the one my parents brought me?_

Shikamaru sighed. He really didn't want to gamble Temari… but he had to know. For sure. And he was developing a plan. Besides, he could set it up so it would like Naruto would be to blame, and since he hated Naruto, that would work just fine. And... maybe the failure -- for surely his scheme would just reveal that Temari was normal -- would convince the yellow-haired punk that the powers were fake. Probably not, but maybe…

-----

"Come on."

Naruto crossed his arms. "No. You're mean. And you just woke me up."

According to his dreams, Naruto had one major weakness. "I'll buy you ramen every day for a month."

Naruto frowned. "Well… okay. Wait, where will you get the ramen?We're locked up--"

"I'll manage." His dreams also said that Naruto was about as smart as a rock.

Naruto picked up a deck of cards for himself and gave another to Shikamaru. "What do you want with this anyway?"

"I'll explain later."

-----

In the corridor next to the visitor room, Shikamaru went to the window and opened it. He couldn't get through the walls -- like any asylum, the place was extremely durable -- but the windows could be opened from this side. In theory, it was so that the doctors could shoot tranquilizers at agitated inmates who had taken visitors hostage, but it would serve a difference purpose now. "She'll be coming soon. Get ready."

"Right!" Naruto grinned. "Anything for ramen!"

_You are such a moron_.

Temari entered the room right on schedule, and Shikamaru reflected on his plan…

He'd had a particularly vivid dream once. It was his first dream that had to do with these stupid hallucinations, and it happened perhaps a month ago. It was his clearest, and it was the only one that was almost exclusively about Temari.

It had been sort of a weird dream. He'd been sitting on a fence about ten feet from Temari and another girl whom he didn't know. Temari was in some kind of odd cage structure, and she had her fan. They were arguing about something, and in the middle Temari hurled a huge fan at the other girl through the cage bars. The fan hit the girl hard enough to knock her over and leave her gasping for her.

Then the girl had gotten up and had thrown the fan back at Temari -- but had thrown it even harder. It had zoomed at the blond, but Temari had grabbed it easily and swung in into a katra that knocked out the bars of the cage and let her get out.

Then the girl had grabbed knives and shuriken and had hurled them at Temari. Temari had blocked them all with amazingly fast fan moves, and sent one spinning right at Shikamaru --

And then he'd woken up.

Shikamaru figured that if any of the ninja stuff was right, it all had to be. Meaning that, in theory, if Temari could recreate the moves she'd done in that dream, the ninja stuff was right… and if not, it was wrong. Conclusively.

Of course it was wrong anyway. But why not test it? What harm could it do?

-----

Naruto was hidden outside the door. He smiled. He didn't much care for the Land of Sand, and wouldn't mind beating up one of its recruits.

Shikamaru had given him the fan, and he heaved it up. It was heavy, but he was a proud shinobi. He could easily hurl it hard enough to knock Temari on her butt. And then he could throw the cards, just to mock her. Shikamaru could too, if he wanted.

-----

Temari entered, looking mildly annoyed that the rest of the world had dared disturb her, yet not quite annoyed enough to kill anyone. It was a nice break from the Temari of the chunin exams, whom (according to Hinata) had cheerfully waved good-bye to a couple of rain ninja before Gaara crushed them.

"Okay." Naruto picked up the fan. "I'm a ninja. I can do this... YAH!"

He hurled the huge, heavy fan right at Temari's chest.

-----

Shikamaru watched, expecting Temari to either leap out of the way like a normal person -- or more precisely, a human basketball player with pretty nice reflexes -- could, or to be knocked on her butt and blame Naruto. He didn't find this bad because he knew she wouldn't mind -- she was tough, and would be more upset if he thought she was weak and didn't risk her harm on that count. So long as he didn't actually hurt her and awaken her rage, nothing should happen --

Then, it seemed, reality quite simply broke.


	7. Run

Chapter 7

Run

-----

Temari reacted purely on instinct.

Shikamaru saw her leap over the fan in order to grab the tail end, then swing it around in an elementary technique that would clear enemies away from her.

Except when she hit one desk, she went right through it. A heavy wooden/metal desk. Chopped in half.

Shikamaru could distinctly feel his heartbeat.

_Temari's got powers too! And she isn't hallucinating, so it must be -- NO! WAIT! I'm probably just seeing it! That desk probably isn't broken! I need independent confirmation. I need Asuma or someone to tell me that the desk is broken. Then I'll believe. I don't think my delusions extend to making normal people say things like that. Otherwise I'd think the doctors were saying that my powers worked, for the confirmation. This can't be real it can't it can't it can't…_

Naruto's eyes widened. Temari looked pissed.

In desperation, he began throwing the playing cards like throwing stars.

Temari batted them aside easily, lip curled.

Most of the cards bent a little and were deflected by the air in the room, but a few shot into the walls.

One shot past Shikamaru, nearly putting out his eye, and buried in the wall.

Naruto, seeing that his attack had failed, looked like he was about to charge. Then Temari jumped forward and slammed the fan into his head, knocking him out.

_At least that's somewhat realistic. Temari's strong, and she never pulls punches when she's mad..._

Temari looked about at the now battered room…

And then Asuma came in.

-----

Shikamaru held his breath.

If Asuma made no comment, the destruction was probably in his mind.

If Asuma said that the room was damaged -- independent confirmation from another non-insane person, one whom his delusions had never affected before -- then maybe his delusions… weren't.

"How'd the desk break?" Asuma frowned.

Shikamaru almost collapsed.

-----

As they were talking, Shikamaru slipped around to the door and burst in.

"Temari! You broke the desk with a fan!"  
There was the barest fraction of a pause. "No I didn't."

"I saw you!"

"You imagined it."

"It's broken!"

"It was always like that." Asuma frowned.

Shikamaru was speechless. "My parents sat at that desk! My dad slammed his fist on it!"

"It was--"

_It's real it's real! IT'S REAL! I know it sounds crazy, but logically it had to happen! I've got to get out of here before Asuma persuades me otherwise!_

"Naruto's unconscious!"

"We drugged him. He was getting hyperactive."

Shikamaru ground his teeth. "He hasn't been out of his room all day -- I walked in on him asleep!"

"Another hallucination," said Asuma evenly.

"No it's not!"

Shikamaru turned and ran back out the door.

"STOP HIM!" He heard Asuma yell. Soon an alarm was going off.

_Blast…_

_-----_

"Okay. I need to escape. I have… um… ninja powers that probably don't work, at least not reliably. And my mind. Okay. I can outthink them."

Shikamaru focused in his mind what he knew of the asylum. It was a five story building with a three story fence on the outside. He'd have to get down, then out.

But down wasn't an option. He could hear Asuma and another doctor -- Kakashi? -- chasing him. And Temari, who sounded mad at his weak mind.

_So troublesome…_

If Temari knew what was going on, even now he might stop. But she didn't. The powers existed. Shikamaru knew that well. He cared for her, but if she was as insane as he'd thought he'd been a week ago, he needed to get out and get help from someone reliable.

He tore up the stairs, ignoring the crescendo of alarms.

_To use my powers… when could I use them? Only with the others… never when the doctors were around! Do they neutralize them somehow? Or maybe being in the presence of other believers activates them? Or being in the presence of nonbelievers -- not just the doctors -- turns them off…_

Well, some of that was easily testable. The doctors couldn't see him yet. He stopped at the next wall and didn't bother turning left and going towards the stairs. Instead he focused, then kicked out.

He knocked through the wall.

"Wow."

-----

He dashed through. Behind him, he could hear Asuma's shouts. "Stop him! Get close to him!"

_So they can neutralize me, I'm sure. Otherwise they'd be trying to tranq me._

It seemed reality had a few new rules, but now that Shikamaru had discovered them, he was feeling better.

He was at the top level of the asylum. He looked around. Unless he planned on jumping over about a twenty yard gap while only dropping two stories, he was in a bit of a tight spot.

"This is bad."

"SHIKAMARU!"

He turned to see Dr. Asuma climbing out of a stairwell. "Stay away."

Doctor Asuma began walking forward slowly. "Calm down, Shikamaru. We'll heal you."

"I don't need healing."

"You're obviously deranged. You think you have magic powers. But you can't perform them."

Shikamaru tried. "Jitsu of me-and-my-shadow!" But, as he expected, nothing happened.

"See?"

"No. I can reason…" Shikamaru backed up.

"Come on, Shikamaru. You're not that smart. Smarter than me, and Kakashi, and Kurenai, and Sakura -- who's going to Tokyo University on scholarship?"

"Yes. Yes I am. I'm brilliant." He knew it sounded conceited, but Shikamaru didn't care. The one thing that he now knew had worked throughout his stay at the Tokyo Mental Hospital was his mind. Not his powers, or the physical prowess that he'd been told he didn't have, but his mind. It was time to trust it now.

_If I'm a ninja, I can make this jump._

He suddenly ran towards Asuma, who was too surprised to catch him. Shikamaru dodged around him and ran to the far end of the roof, far enough away from the doctor that his powers would work… he hoped.

He focused chakra (or tried) in his feet, then rocketed off the roof…

And then reality, which had before merely broke, shattered into a thousand pieces.

-----

Shikamaru had no idea how to describe it, but as he swooshed through air, something like ten thousand knives simply popped into existence over the wall.

If he just flew through he'd be skewered. Even by scrunching up he couldn't hope to avoid being hit by at least fifty knives.

He was going to die.

"ARGH!"

And he had no tools… no kunai, shurikens, throwing rods…

_Wait…_

Naruto had given him an extra deck of cards…

He twisted in midair like any basic shinobi could and threw the cards like a ninja.

A few cards simply were skewered on knives and stopped. But several knocked some of them out of place, sending them careening into others. The orderly wall of weapons was beginning to break up.

_This is crazy…_

He threw the rest of the cards, then again twisted. He could just make it through the gap.

As he closed to just next to the knives he shut his eyes, scrunched up, and got ready to die…

_If I miss by even three inches I'm toast!_

"Come on come on come on..." he murmured.

He went into the wall…

-----

Shikamaru Nara woke up suddenly in a giant bed. He woke up so forcefully that he actually cartwheeled over, becoming entangled in voluminous blankets and hitting his head against a bedpost.

"Ow!"

Struggling up, he found himself confused again. This wasn't his bed. He didn't even have a bed. He slept on a mattress -- climbing into his old bed had been too troublesome.

He poked his head just out of the tangle of blankets and bedding when Neji and Hinata Hyuuga came in. But Neji was wearing a long, regal robe, and fancy clothes, and Hinata's dress and jewelry were fancier than any he'd ever seen. They looked like royalty.

"Ah, my liege! You're awake!"

And then, to Shikamaru's total confusion, Hinata put a big crown on his head.

And then they both bowed.

And Shikamaru wondered what the heck was going on.

OC: Heh. Getting out of the asylum is just the beginning of poor Shika's adventures…

I will be leaving on a boat trip tonight and will probably not be able to update for a week. Fear not, I will return, unless the boat sinks or gets attacked by pirates. And then we can all find out just what happened to poor, poor Shika…


	8. A new land, a new rank

Chapter 8

A new land, a new rank

Shikamaru twisted until he was able to extricate himself from the tangle of sheets. Hinata had to keep steadying the crown so it didn't fall off.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"You woke up. Your breakfast should be here any minute…" Hinata looked over her shoulder. "Oh, there it is!"

A dapper Tenten, in a chef's outfit, was coming out of another room bearing a large tray. "Your highness's breakfast."

Shikamaru felt a bit dizzy with confusion. "Um… whose?"

"Your highness's." She bowed low, somehow not upsetting the tray, then put it on a table before his bed. "Last night you requested a double portion of steamed rice, miso soup, salmon, and an omelet." She put down the steaming breakfast before him. It looked spectacular.

"Uh…" Shikamaru took a bite. It was every bit as delicious as it looked. "Where did you learn to cook like that?"

"I've been studying for years, under Master Maito Gai." She bowed. "I hope it is to your highness's satisfaction?"

That was even more confusing. Gai was, well, a ninja. Shikamaru didn't think the jonin could cook gourmet foods. "Uh… yeah, it's great…"

Tenten grinned wildly. "Thank you, your highness!"

Shikamaru, exasperated, wondered why everyone kept calling him that.

Neji and Hinata were still hovering over him. "What are you two doing?"

"Waiting to serve you," Neji answered in his formal manner. "Do you wish to summon anyone, your highness? Court counselors, fellow nobles, your jester, mentor?"

"Uh…" Shikamaru took a stab in the dark. "Are Yamanaka Ino and Akimichi Choji around?"

"The duke and the countess? Yes, they are in town on business, seeing to their holdings in this area."

Still not having a clue as to what was going on, Shikamaru said, "Could you… get them?" He almost tacked on a 'please,' but something told him not to.

"Certainly, your highness." Neji bowed and left -- but he didn't turn and walk out, he backed away.

"May I return to my duties, your highness?" asked Tenten, bowing again.

"Uh, yeah, sure. Bye." Tenten too bowed and backed away, never taking her eyes from him. It was as if it were disrespectful to turn one's back on him.

Hinata said, "Do you need anything else, your highness? I am here to serve your every need."

"No, I think I'm fine. You can go now." Shikamaru actually wanted to ask, 'what in the world is going on,' but decided against it. But also… "Wait."

"Yes?"

"You seemed friendly towards Neji." It wasn't at all like the vicious rivalry he knew existed between them… at least in his dreams, the ones he'd had before the asylum, the ones that were all he knew of what he now assumed was actually real.

"Of course. We have had our differences, but we are united in serving you, and it would be undignified to squabble before your highness."

"Uh… huh. Okay. You can go now."

Hinata backed out as the others had, and Shikamaru sighed. He'd wanted just to return to the Konoha he knew, but this weird place was even stranger than the asylum.

He looked around. Besides his magnificent bed, he saw four walls of paintings and gold leaf, a floor covered with a carpet that would take a year's worth of his wages to buy, a chandelier…

Neji reentered and bowed.

"Presenting Duke Akimichi and Countess Yamanaka!"

The two -- in formal regalia -- entered and bowed. "Good morning, your highness."

Shikamaru hastily dismissed Neji, then turned to the others. "So… uh… why all the bowing?"

They both chuckled. "Good joke, your highness!" laughed Choji. "As if you wouldn't remember that you were made Grand Emperor of Konoha last week!"


	9. Introducing the jester

Chapter 9

Introducing the jester

"Grand… Emperor," said Shikamaru.

"Yeah, remember? The last emperor picked you as his replacement after that horrible scandal!" Ino grinned. "That was great… you made us both nobility right away. Thanks."

"Uh… yeah… no problem. So, uh… why was I made emperor, again?"

"What, are you testing us, your highness?" asked Choji, confused.

"Yeah, sure."

"Well, the old emperor, Asuma, said the first person to beat him in go could be emperor. And everyone tried, and you were the only one who could."

i That's awfully convenient. Too convenient. /i

"Really."

"Yeah!" Ino grinned. "You stomped him! And Grand Emperor Asuma was out, and now Grand Emperor Nara is in!"

"Oh."

Shikamaru stood, and the others hopped up too. "You can still sit…"

"Not when you stand. It would be improper."

"I'll allow it." _This is so incredibly troublesome… yet kind of nice._ Shikamaru didn't really mind being pampered, though he would if his duties would cut into his naps, cloud-watching, and go-playing time.

"Thanks!"

Their pleasure made Shikamaru unhappy. "You guys are my friends. You don't need to be all formal around me…"

"But we want to be. You're the Grand Emperor!"

"Yeah, but…"

Someone knocked.

Shikamaru figured he was supposed to let them in. "Enter."

Neji reentered, bowing. "The jester wishes to know what you would have him do today, your highness."

"Uh…" Shikamaru, still not really understanding what was going on, randomly said, "Have him jest to… I don't know…" he picked a random name, "Kiba."

"The Beastmaster? Yes, my liege. The last time he did that he was attacked by Mr. Inuzuka's dogs and wolves. Should I prepare a medic?"

"Wait. Then, um… have him jest before me."

Ino grinned. "Horray! Entertainment!"

"As you wish, my liege." Neji left, and before long another entered.

As Shikamaru had expected, it was Naruto who was wearing the jester's cap.

-----

As Naruto sang and made jokes, Shikamaru had time to reflect that, for once in his life, Naruto was actually funny.

How'd that happen?

Ino and Choji were laughing hysterically, and even Shikamaru chuckled at a few points. He was still trying to figure out what was going on, though.

After maybe twenty minutes of Naruto's antics, Shikamaru rose his hand. "Recount for me," he said, trying to sound imperial. "When did you enter my employ?"

Naruto tilted his head, making the little bells in his cap jingle. "Just when you were appointed emperor, master!"

_Master. Oy._

"And before that?"

"Just a cook at the ramen shop. Hey, that reminds me of a joke! Okay, so Ayama told me and the other two chefs once that, since we were such good chefs, she'd give us a bonus -- the distance, in inches, between any two parts of our body, with each inch a hundred yen!"

Ino smiled. "Oh, I love this one."

"A hundred yen isn't much, though," said Choji.

"I know. Just wait. So one said she wanted from the tips of her middle fingers, and she extended their arms. Another wanted from his hair to his toes, and he spiked his hair with gel -- he always had some on him. That Tobio was such a dork. But I showed both of them up!"

"How?" asked Shikamaru, curious despite himself.

"I used Kage Bunshin no jutsu! And we all climbed on top of each other, until there were about six of us, each sitting on the other's shoulders. And then the top me said, 'From my hair,' and the bottom me said, 'to my toes!' It was all my body, kind of, so Ayama had to let me do it! It was 408 inches, and that meant 40,800 yen!"

Shikamaru found himself laughing. Naruto delivered the story well, and besides, that was enough to buy… well… probably the funny little tuxedo the blond was wearing.

"Thank you, thank you!" Naruto bowed.

Shikamaru rose suddenly, and the other three bowed. "I told you two you didn't need to do that!" he said to Ino and Choji.

"But we want to," said Choji. "You deserve it."

"I don't want to bow," said Naruto with a sly grin. "Can I not bow instead of them?"

"No."

"Man…"

Shikamaru went for the doors. "So where's the main hall of this place?"

"You know… all the way down the hall." Ino looked at Choji. "You can't remember a lot."

"I had some rough dreams." Shikamaru sighed as he opened his doors and looked at the long hallway. This had troublesome written all over it, from the gold leaf on the walls to the chandeliers to Naruto skipping beside him like a dog on drugs.

"Here's another one. You know that Tenten girl? Heard she went out with Shino the other night."

Shikamaru paused. "Shino? He's got fewer emotions than the bugs he trains."

"It's a joke. It's made up, silly," whispered Ino.

"Ahem! Anyway, he told me she wasn't that great a date… little bit too chatty and giggly. Only a nine-nine at most. He wants to sue her for false advertising."

Ino and Choji began laughing again, and even Shikamaru cracked a smile. It was a horribly stupid joke, but Naruto delivered it just right.

He reached the end of the hallway. He opened the doors…

"Wow."

-----

-----

AN: 40,800 yen $350.00


	10. Here comes the bride

Chapter 10

Here comes the bride

(AN: a yen is equivalent to a penny, so a hundred yen is a dollar)

-----

He was looking out at the most spectacular room he'd ever seen in his life. It looked like it had cost about a hundred million yen to build… and that was a very conservative estimate.

"I don't believe it…"

The walls were made of marble with gold leaf, the staircases were ivory, and the chandeliers looked like they'd each been hand-built by a trained artesian. There were people milling about, all in splendid robes, and they were eating from a few elegant tables. Even from this distance, Shikamaru realized that the snacks alone must have cost a hundred thousand yen just to put onto the table.

"Who paid for all this?" he murmured.

"Um… you?" Choji said. "Your highness, don't you remember? This is your inauguration breakfast. The ceremony continues all day, and tonight we have your inauguration chocolate feast!"

"Oh. Right. That."

"Shika!"

Shikamaru turned to see someone that he didn't recognize, replete in a splendid robe and a crown only a little smaller than his own, approaching.

"You're still in your pajamas, Shika…"

Shikamaru blushed. In all the confusion, he'd forgotten to change. "Uh…"

"Do I have to remind you of everything?" chuckled the figure. She rose her head.

Shikamaru's eyes rose. "Temari?"

"Well, I'm glad you can recognize your own wife, anyway, emperor-dear."

That took a minute to sink in.

"WIFE!"

-----

"I'm… married?"

Temari frowned. "What, did you forget? The ceremony cost more than this one…by an order of magnitude, I'd say."

Choji nodded, smiling. "That feast… I was full for two days!"

"I… uh… need to sit down." Shikamaru felt weak.

Ino took his arm. "I'll help you to your throne, your highness --"

"No, I will." Temari took the arm.

"Yes, your majesty. I apologize." Ino and bowed and retreated before Temari's glare.

Temari didn't say anything else to the blond, only helped Shikamaru down a curving flight of stairs. "Perhaps we should have Doctor Tsunade look at you. Are you okay, dear?"

"Since when do you call me dear?" murmured Shikamaru. The Temari he remembered… or thought he did… was a good bit more callous than that. The sort to tell him to suck it up rather then to help him. And definitely not the type to call him 'dear.'

"Since always?" Temari frowned. "Here -- your throne is right over there."

As Shikamaru took a seat, the whole crowd turned, bowed deeply, and began cheering. Shikamaru recognized a few people -- Kiba in a beast tamer's uniform, Sakura arranging flowers, Rock Lee in a military outfit -- but there were many more he didn't know.

"A speech!" someone roared.

"Yes, a speech! A speech!"

Shikamaru groaned. This was so troublesome… "Uh, hello everyone."

Cheers.

"I'm, um, happy to be your emperor. Um, we're going to have long, prosperous times."

More cheering.

"And, um, feel free to bring me any issues or problems that you have. That's… it."

_Way to screw up the speech, Shikamaru._

But the crowd cheered just the same.

A majordomo stood up -- Shikamaru recognized, to his great surprise, that it was the old fourth hokage -- and said, "three more cheers for our new Grand Emperor!"

To cheers, Shikamaru rose.

"Isn't it perfect?" asked Temari, coming back over to him as he descended to get towards the snacks -- though he'd just eaten breakfast, the food looked too good to resist.

"Yeah…" it kind of was. Temari as his wife… and less pushy and crabby, it seemed, at least to him. Ino and Choji as his friends, confidants, and nobles under him. Naruto in a role he was actually good at, and less annoying to boot. Riches and luxury at his fingertips.

There was a part of him that rebelled at all of this, though. Temari with less pushiness just… wasn't Temari, and there was something manifestly wrong about this whole place. He somehow had a feeling that he was no Grand Emperor, just another preteen ninja in Konoha, like his dreams had said.

But he pushed those thoughts aside. Maybe this wasn't all right. But until he had more reason to think that, he'd have some fun.

"Are those shrimp?"

"Yes, your highness." A guest in front of Shika moved, leaving him looking at the most expensive-looking fish he'd ever seen in his life.

He got a plate, grinned, and began to eat.

_Reality? Maybe it's overrated._


	11. Day of bliss

Chapter 11

Day of bliss

-----

"Is this really necessary?"

One of the servants, a masked man named Kakashi, nodded. "Yes, your highness. Dignity demands that you be carried everywhere on a golden throne."

"Yeah, but…"

Shikamaru was being carried through town on a giant chair that four servants were holding aloft.

"It'd be much less troublesome just to walk…" but Shikamaru's complaints were half-hearted. It was nice not having to expend energy to go places. For a boy that had routinely failed tests because he was too lazy to pick up his pencil to write anything, being carried around was a great mode of travel.

They stopped at a field, where Shikamaru disembarked and lay down. Kakashi bowed again. "When you call for us, we will come carry you back, Your Highness. This field is part of your royal property, so none may disturb you here."

"Great."

Kakashi left, and Shikamaru looked at the clouds.

_This is great_.

-----

Lunch was served at a fancy restaurant. The cooks all seemed nervous, and the waiters all bowed. The meal was extraordinary.

"Mmm." Shikamaru saw Rock Lee sitting in the corner, and smiled. Apparently Rock Lee's position in the military was fairly high, if he could afford this place

Sakura was coming in to deliver flowers. Shikamaru winced, expecting to see Rock Lee be shot down for the zillionth time, but again he was wrong. Rock Lee kissed her on the cheek, and Sakura blushed, giggled, and kissed him back. Rock Lee looked happy enough to squeal, though he restrained the urge.

_Great. They wont ruin my meal with fights. Hey… Neji and Hinata weren't fighting too. Are they all being nice and agreeable just because they know their stupid arguments annoy me? _That would be almost creepy. But surely that wasn't it -- Sakura had finally learned to love Rock Lee (maybe she finally realized how much of a jerk Sasuke was), and the fact that their squabbling wasn't irritating him was just a nice bonus. Surely that was all.

Shikamaru went back to the dessert course, a big chocolate tart.

-----

The day went by peacefully, lazily, and without much expenditure of effort. Just the way Grand Emperor Shikamaru Nara liked it.

Back in the castle, he ate at the chocolate feast with everyone else, then went back to his room where a toasty fireplace made him feel nice under the covers. Naruto came in to be funny again, but was sent out -- Shikamaru just wanted to go to bed.

Ino and Choji were allowed in to bid him good night, and Shikamaru wondered fleetingly how the real Ino and Choji -- if these two were as fake as the two in the insane asylum -- were doing. But the thought passed. They were surely fine.

Finally, Temari came in. She gave him a nice kiss on the cheek, making him blush just a little. Again, alarms sounded in his head -- Temari wasn't the sort to do that -- but again he silenced them.

"Good night, dear," murmured Temari.

"Good night."

He had the feeling that he was making some sort of big mistake, but sleep overwhelmed him before he could figure out what it was.

-----

AN: Sorry for the short update. I needed a sort of bridge chapter between this part and the next one, in which Shika learns exactly what his mistake is.


	12. Shikamaru the hero

Chapter 12

Shikamaru the hero

Another day passed. Then a second. Shikamaru's servants attended to his every need.

Shikamaru was really enjoying the opportunity to be as lazy as he wanted. He didn't know what was going on, but he had no intention of trying to dispel it.

He was talking with Ino and Choji on one of the palace walls. The palace was built where the faces of the four Hokages had been in Shika's dreams, so he could see the whole town and surrounding area from various points on the wall. In this spot, he had a very nice view of the forest.

"…so, refresh my memory. What were some of our ninja missions?"

Ino shrugged. "Before you became Grand Emperor, your highness? Well, a lot of it was menial labor… digging potatoes, finding lost pets, babysitting that little twerp Konohameru…"

"But remember the two C-class missions we got to do?" Choji grinned. "Asuma took me out to barbecues after each of those! Remember?"

"I remember," said Ino, a touch irritated, "because the second time you ate so much that the restaurant hired a different team of ninjas to kick you out."

"I don't care if I had to stay in the hospital for a week… it was worth it." Choji smiled dreamily. "The salmon was wonderful…"

Shikamaru chuckled, but tried to steer the conversation back on track. "What'd we do, again?"

"I think the first time we had to escort a convey to the Land of Mist and Fog. Remember, while we were there we heard about Naruto's adventures in the Land of Waves?" Ino frowned. "He was such a twerp, but I don't mind him now that he's actually funny."

"Hey!"

Shikamaru blinked. "Who said that?" He leaned over the edge of the wall. "What the…"

Naruto was standing horizontally on the wall. He smiled. "Look at me! I'm a ninja! And not a twerp!"

Ino chuckled, and Choji seemed amused too. Shikamaru asked, "What are you doing?"

"Being a jester! Jesters make people laugh!" Naruto took out a flower from his pocket. "So here I go!" He bent up at his waist suddenly, putting his head at the level of the wall, and then squeezed the flower. Water gushed out, and Naruto used a jutsu to send it at Choji.

"Hey!" sputtered the round boy.

Ino laughed some more.

"Almost forgot -- ladies too!" Naruto jumped up to the wall. "Giena saga no jutsu -- art of gender reversal!"

Ino found herself transformed.

Into a boy.

"HEY!"

Now it was Choji who was laughing hysterically, and Shikamaru also seemed very amused.

"Change me back!" Ino looked at herself. "My subjects won't recognize me!"

Shikamaru nodded. He'd checked with the Hokage, his majordomo, and found that he'd made Ino the Countess of Northern Konoha. Choji was the Duke of Eastern Konoha. They both had subjects to rule over. Shikamaru, of course, was their superior, and ruled over all Konoha.

Naruto changed her back with a wave of his hand. "So Shikamaru, Shikamaru! Lord and master and head honcho and top bowl of ramen and all sorts of things. Want to hear a story?"

"Actually, we were in the middle of discussing our ninja missions…"

"Oh, great! I know this story! I'll tell it!"

Shikamaru exchanged looks with the others.

"Oh, let him tell it, your highness. He's funny." Ino smiled.

"Okay…"

"Great!" Naruto grinned. "Well, here's what happened. Ino told me just afterwards… I remembered because she hit me on the head when I asked too many questions. That's okay, though, because I can just turn her into a boy again later!"  
"You better not!"

"Anyway…" prompted Shikamaru.

-----

Naruto cracked his knuckles and grinned. "Okay! So you three were supposed to escort a food caravan to the Land of Mist and Fog, which was suffering a rice blight. And that was when you got attacked by a bunch of bandits! Remember? One of them called Choji a fatso, so he got even fatter and rolled over them. Good thing he didn't get even fatter or he'd have popped!"

"Naruto…" Choji wasn't happy. It seemed that topic was still off limits.

"Hey, take a joke. Anyway, when the bandits were defeated, one of them had broken Asuma's leg, so you guys left him at a little doctor office on the coast. And while you were there you saw a little boutique! So Ino wanted to stop and get some hairspray and flowers and other girl stuff. So you all went there, and what do you know, it was right in the middle of a robbery! So Shikamaru, you defeated all the robbers with your kagemane no jutsu, and everyone was really happy, and they gave you free flowers. Which you gave to Ino, who thought you were hitting on her, so she hit you back -- pow!"

Ino blushed. "Heh. Uh… well, that was a long time ago, right?"

"But then another robber came out. He'd been hiding in the back. And he was also a ninja. So he used his genjutsu to make Choji think that there was a buffet in front of him, and to make Ino think that Sasuke was in front of her and wanted to kiss her."

Now both Choji and Ino blushed.

Shikamaru was frowning, though. From his dreams, he did remember a few missions with Ino and Choji, but this one wasn't one of them. Another artifact of the illusion he was in?

Naruto continued. "And he tried making you think that you were in a go tournament. But you were smart enough to see through it and kick his butt! Then Ino and Choji were rescued, too, and the caravan arrived without trouble." He tilted his head. "But man, Asuma got mad at Ino and Choji for getting confused like that!

"And let's see… the second mission… oh yes, your first assassination! You had to take out this drug dealer. And so you attacked him, but he hit Choji with his drug, and his security detail kept Ino busy, and Asuma got caught, so once again, you had to bring down the main bad guy by yourself, Shikamaru!"

Choji winced. "Stupid drug… I was seeing sparkling tomatoes for a week."

"Huh. I guess I really rescued you guys a lot," said Shikamaru.

_This really is my kind of world. I'm even a better ninja than Asuma, I guess. Hurray for me._

They continued talking about various trivial topics.

-----

Later, Shikamaru was trying to identify the source of his unease.

"Something's still wrong… I don't feel comfortable here," he murmured.

"Can I help?" Temari came over to Shikamaru's seat. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know. I just feel… troubled. Like I'm missing something."

"Oh." Temari grinned. "Would a kiss make it better?"

That was definitely abnormal, but right now, Shikamaru didn't care. "Uh… yeah. Yes, it would."

And so they kissed.

-----

Shikamaru figured it out later.

"I guess they really needed my help." He chuckled. "I didn't know I was that good of a ninja… hey, wait a minute."

If this Choji and Ino needed his help, what about the real ones?

What if they needed him back in the real version of Konoha, where he couldn't get to them?

"It doesn't matter," he murmured. "That was just trumped up for my entertainment. I'm not better than Asuma, and Ino and Choji are at least as strong as me. The real ones don't need my help as badly as these guys do."

But the room still just wasn't quite as comforting.


	13. Shikamaru the ninja

Chapter 13

Shikamaru the ninja

-----

Another day dawned, and Shikamaru took a walk to be alone with his thoughts. It was fairly easy to evade his servants -- in fact, they seemed to all be elsewhere. Another example of the bizarre way this world seemed to keep conforming to Shikamaru's wishes, even those not voiced.

On one hand, he really wanted to stay here. And it wasn't like he knew how to leave anyway. There wasn't a convenient outer wall he simply had to jump across, like there had been in the asylum.

On the other hand… well, Choji and Ino might need him. All modesty aside, he was the group's tactical specialist, and he was a fairly important part of the Shika-Ino-Cho formation. Ninja who left their friends were less than trash, or something like that. Sakura had mentioned that quote one day, in one of his dreams.

It was all terribly troublesome.

Shikamaru lay down in a deserted field and looked at the clouds. "Now what do I do?"

He watched the sky. There went a cloud that looked kind of like Choji using the baika no jutsu… and there was one that looked like Kakashi's head. The spiky hair was distinctive. And over there was one that looked like Akamaru.

"Heh." He smiled. Maybe he'd ask Kiba to let him play with Akamaru. Dogs could be therapeutic.

A cloud that looked kind of like a ring floated overhead. It had a little squarish part on one side of it… kind of like his shinobi headband.

Shikamaru's mouth curved upwards in a slight smile. He wished he had that now… but it was probably back in the real world. Along with the rest of his ninja-things.

Come to think of it, he'd sure like to train… anything to get his mind off of this dilemma.

"Guess I'll go find Rock Lee."

-----

The generallet Shikamaru spar with him.

"Uh!" Shikamaru was knocked back a little, but he was doing far better than he expected against the elite taijutsu specialist. "Kagemane no jutsu!"

His shadow stretched out and almost hit Rock Lee, but Lee leapt up and dodged it.

"Konoha hurricane!"

Shikamaru dodged, barely, and threw a kunai knife that just scratched Lee. "Nice jump."

Rock Lee only grinned. "Let's go!" He leapt at Shikamaru again.

"Hey guys!"

Rock Lee turned. "Court jester!" He bowed a little. Shikamaru look over to see Naruto.

Naruto flashed a cheeky grin. "Hey, I've got a new joke! What did they call the ninja that never agreed with his master on anything and argued all the time?"

"Naruto Uzumaki?"

Naruto smiled at that. "Close, but no! The shin-nope-i! And what did they call the weapons of a Sound kunoichi?"

Shikamaru looked at Rock Lee. "Uh…"

"A shuri-Kin!"

It took a minute, but Shikamaru got it. "Oh!" He remembered from one of his dreams the sound kunoichi Kin, she of the needles and irritating taunts. "Okay, that was clever."

Naruto grinned. "One more! When Rock Lee strangled someone with one of their formal clothes, what did they call it?"  
Rock Lee said, "I don't remember this…"

"It's a joke. It didn't actually happen." Shikamaru thought. "I don't know."

"Tie-jutsu!"

Shikamaru did laugh at that. "Why all the ninja jokes?"

"Well, you're a ninja, right? And an emperor, but I don't have any good royalty jokes. Besides some members of the court, who are jokes themselves."

"Ninja?" Shikamaru shrugged. "Well, yeah…"

That troubled him somehow. But he didn't know quite why.

Naruto left, and Shikamaru went back to his sparring with Lee.

-----

It was a random comment that triggered the realization.

"Your highness! Grand emperor!" It was one of his minor servants -- a white-haired guy. Kabuto. Another military commander. "I'd like to talk with you, if I may. My uncle, Orochimaru, is ill and I'd like some time off to tend to him."

"Sure. Tell him I hope he feels better."

He smiled as he walked. It was nice being a Grand Emperor, having every ask permission and obey…

Wait.

Wasn't he a ninja? Hadn't he just agreed with Naruto about that?

Could he be both?

But it was becoming clearer and clearer as he walked. It was the grand emperor that enjoyed obedience from everyone and had all the pleasures in the world. It was a ninja that… wasn't here. Was back at home, with a pushy mom and two friends who were wonderful (but also troublesome, now and then) and a crush that would probably kill him some day.

And sure, it was nice being the Grand Emperor of Konoha. Waking up every morning to wonderful breakfasts, having no real work to do, having friends and a wife that were a lot like he'd wish them to be, not like the more difficult sort they really were.

But it was also the Grand Emperor that didn't much care that his friends might need him, or that he was only married to a pale imitation of his crush.

And it just wasn't him.

-----

Shikamaru went into his room and shut the door. He looked at the nice room. It was indeed luxurious… but his mind was more and more made up. He wanted to go home. Sure, being a ninja was troublesome. But it was more 'him' than sitting around, having every wish capitulated to.

"Right. How can I escape…"

Someone knocked.

"Come in."

It was Ino and Choji.

"Shika! Where were you? We missed you!" Ino ran to give him a quick hug. "How are you doing?"

At that exact moment, Shika realized what he'd have to do.


	14. The palace is over

Chapter 14

The palace is over...

-----

"Where are my ninja things?" Shikamaru asked.

Ino and Choji looked at each other. "Uh… we don't know…" commented the fat boy.

"I'll go borrow some from Lee."

"Let's come with you! We could have fun together, your majesty."

"Fun. Right."

Shikamaru took a mental breath. If by some chance he was wrong, he'd be screwing up amazingly in what he was about to do. He'd regret it every day for the rest of his life.

But he was pretty confident that he wasn't wrong.

He let Ino and Choji get a pace ahead of him, then brought both his fists up and smashed them over the head.

-----

The way he figured, he had to break out of this environment the same way he'd escaped from the asylum.

There he'd been kept in place by, essentially, an illusion of rationality. Ninja powers were irrational, so he was conditioned to think that he didn't have them. When he kicked rationality out the door, he got his powers back and could flee.

Now he was dealing with a new illusion, one of pure and total pleasure. Ideally, if he eliminated all the pleasure, he should be able to escape this land too.

It wasn't a great idea, but it was the best one he had.

So Shikamaru set at it with a will.

-----

"Ow! Your highness, what--" began Ino, looking hurt.

"Sorry, but I want to get back to my real friends. Not you two imitations." Shikamaru forced a sneer. "Neither Ino or Choji are as clingy and sheep-like as you two. You're just fakes."

"But… Shika!" Ino looked hurt, and for a moment Shikamaru did feel bad at being a jerk to his long-time friend.

_I have to remember, they're not real!_

"I'm going back to my real friends. Get out of my way!" Shikamaru tried to think of something else a total jerk would say. "You don't exist!"

_Weak, Shikamaru. That was weak._

Ino and Choji both just stood there in shock.

Shikamaru felt another pang of conscience and disapproval, but he pushed on and hurried out.

-----

"I reject you all, I reject you all…" said Shikamaru with a forced grin on his face. "There we are!" He spotted Lee coming down a hallway.

"Hey, Lee!"

Lee looked up a moment before Shikamaru slammed into him.

_I need to reject everyone's friendship, just like I rejected all the science and stuff in the asylum!_

Lee slammed back into the wall. "But… your highness…"

"Where are my shuriken and kunai?" asked Shikamaru.

Lee looked totally confused. "But you're not a ninja… you don't have any… ow…"

"Oh." Shikamaru shrugged. "I'll just take yours." He grabbed the general's ceremonial weapons. "Get out of my way. You don't exist either."

"Yes I--"

"MOVE!" Shikamaru again winced. He really didn't like acting this way… but it was necessary.

Lee stumbled out of the way, and Shikamaru entered the dining hall.

-----

The next five minutes were a sight to see.

Shikamaru ran to his throne and leapt atop it, perching on the back. "GET OUT OF HERE!" he bellowed. "NONE OF YOU EXIST! I DON'T WANT YOUR COMPANY!"  
A few people got up, but most just looked around, confused.

"I SAID GET OUT!"

_I'm not a bad actor. But this is tiring… and troublesome. Oh well… I'll be able to sleep in Konoha, when I escape from here._

Most people still weren't leaving.

Shikamaru looked at the chandeliers, then took one of Lee's kunai and threw it. It neatly chopped the chandelier down, sending it smashing between a group of people.

"Aaah!" now people were streaming out. Shikamaru continued cutting down chandeliers, destroying the hall.

"Great! I don't want to see you anymore!"

_This is so unlike me._

Once the hall was covered in broken glass and totally empty, Shikamaru took another kunai and slashed the throne in half.

Now that he was getting into it, being angry was easier. "Keep me from my real life and friends, will you?" he chuckled. "I'll get out of here before the sun sets."

He gathered up his knives and began going through other rooms.

-----

It took three hours, but eventually Shikamaru had destroyed pretty much everything in his palace, and chased out almost everyone. He was standing on a turret, looking out over the town.

"There. I've rejected all pleasure. Can I go home now?" Shikamaru chuckled as he asked the empty air a question. "I guess I missed something, or I was wrong…"

"Shika!"

Shikamaru turned to see Temari.

"Shika, what's wrong? No, don't answer… I still love you, Shika…"

Shikamaru winced. Yeah, this wasn't Temari. This wasn't even close.

The imitation was now hugging him. "I still care for you… be happy, calm down…"

Shikamaru readied himself. The knowledge that this Temari was fake didn't make it completely easy to resist her, but it made it possible.

"Get off."

"But… but Shika…"

"You're keeping me from my friends. You don't exist." Shikamaru abruptly shoved her, and she fell down. "Get out of this palace."

Temari gave him a teary-eyed look. "Shika… please take that back…"

Shikamaru took a deep breath. "No. Get out of here. Now." She didn't move. "NOW!"

Temari turned and ran down the stairs back into the castle, which was now a shattered remnant of its former self. Shikamaru turned and went over to the turret's edge, smiling. "Okay, now that's everyone. They all hate me, I've destroyed the palace… I hope I wake up--"

-----

Shikamaru awoke shackled to a wall.

"What in the"--

He was looking out through jail cell bars, and the entire area was bathed in a red light. And it was hot. Unpleasantly so.

Shikamaru glanced down at his body and saw that he was almost totally naked, baring a cloth that just sufficed to ensure decency. Then he looked down further, and his mouth dropped.

His cell, or room, or whatever it was, had no floor. He just saw down, and down, until a roaring fire obscured any further view.

Shikamaru gulped. "What's going on?" he demanded.

"Oh, you don't know?"

Shikamaru twisted his head and looked up. A giant beast -- eight feet tall at least -- that looked like a lion/eagle hybrid was crawling above him.

"Shikamaru, Shikamaru! Welcome, my most excellent friend, to our little dungeon! We'd love to make your stay comfortable, and if you cooperate, we shall! But of course, if you don't…"

The beast waved a clawed hand, the shackles vanish, and Shikamaru fell screaming towards the flames.


	15. The dungeon has begun

Chapter 15

The dungeon has begun

Shikamaru dug his hands against the wall behind him to generate friction, but it barely slowed his descent. He continued falling.

The monster above him crawled down the wall as fast as Shikamaru fell. "Screaming won't help, Shikamaru of the Nara clan! Only cooperation will force me to stop hurting you. So please don't cooperate… I wouldn't enjoy that much."

Shikamaru ignored him.

"Oh, the silent treatment, eh? Well, don't worry. We should be able to fix that soon enough."

Then Shikamaru hit the flames, and the pain was unimaginable.

-----

Some time later, he awoke in a different cell. This one was more conventional, with a floor, ceiling, three walls, and thick iron bars. The heat was still there, though, and it was oppressive.

Shikamaru was slumped on the ground. He shuddered with the memory of the pain. "That was awful…"

"Tell me about it."

Shikamaru turned slightly -- he had to use all of his strength just to avoid falling back to the ground -- to see Ino. Her hair was shaven very close to her head, and she wore a battered shirt and loincloth. She gave him a tired smile.

"So they finally got you too? You're the last one…" She leaned her head back against the wall. Its burning heat didn't seem to bother her unduly. "Choji was still thinking that you'd rescue us…"

"Ino, what's going on? Where are we?"

Ino gave a tired shrug. "Who knows? Everyone just wakes up here. You were the last one that they wanted to capture."

"Who is 'they?'"

"No one knows…" Ino sighed. "They've got the sand ninjas too. Not even Gaara can break out, which is scary by itself. From what Hinata says -- she was captured recently -- Konoha's in a state of emergency. They don't know where all the ninja are going, just that no one's coming back from missions anymore. Not even the jonin."

"Do we know what they want?"

"Information, I guess. Maybe just to break us. Everything they ask is trivial anyway." Ino looked very sad for a moment. "I mean… they ask such dumb things, like how many roses my mom sold last month in her flower shop… but then they torture us if we don't say." She shuddered.

Shikamaru managed to roll over. "And they haven't even told us why?"

She shook her head. "I'd hoped that you'd know… since you evaded them for so long. I've been here for… maybe a month. An awful, awful month."

"You sound it." Ino had always been a brassy and energetic person. Here, she sounded totally defeated… as if there was no fight left in her. Not a good way for a ninja to be. "You sound really bad, Ino."

Ino nodded, and she looked like she might start crying. "It took them… two weeks, maybe, to break me. Average is one week. I think Kiba only took one day…"

"Break?"

"Yeah. It was… I just couldn't take it anymore!" She was actually starting to cry, now. "And they've left me alone since…"

Shikamaru winced. "Ino…"

Ino shook her head. "I… don't want to talk anymore." She turned away.

Shikamaru looked at his defeated friend, then back out the cell bars, and experienced the feeling of dread.


	16. The power of torture

Chapter 16

The power of torture

-----

Meals were done in a communal area. Shikamaru looked at the unappetizing glop on his plate, then looked back at Ino. "I'm guessing this is standard fare."

"Unless you make them mad. Then you might not get anything, or you might get something with nails in it." She winced. "Neji got that, but he still had enough strength to use the Byakugan at that point, so he didn't eat it."

"He doesn't anymore?"

"It's something in the food, we think… we can't regenerate chakra here. You've got just what you came in with, pretty much. Not that it matters; the place is impossible to get out of."

"Nothing's impossible." Shikamaru sat and stared at the glop. "Do we have to?"

"They don't make us, but if you don't have strength, it's harder to resist. Although… again, it doesn't matter."

Choji came over. He was about fifty pounds lighter than Shikamaru remembered him. "Hey Ino." He didn't seem to see Shikamaru.

"Hey Choji. You okay?"

"Yeah… it's not so bad now." Choji sat down and looked very unhappy. "I know that all the things they were asking for was just stupid stuff… like how many bowls of rice I eat in a day, that sort of thing… but I still feel really bad for telling them."

"It's okay. No one can take much of this, and it doesn't look like the jonin are going to come save us."

Shikamaru cleared his throat. "Uh… hi?"

"Who's he?" Choji sat heavily and began eating his 'food' with a tired expression.

"Shikamaru. Remember him?"

Choji thought, then shook his head. "…no."

Ino looked at Shikamaru. "When they tortured him, they… kind of hurt his head. He doesn't remember a lot of things."

Shikamaru gulped.

"Hey, Shikamaru!"  
The genius turned to see one of the eight-foot tall monster things coming into the room. The other shinobi scattered away, pressing against the walls in fear.

_Is this what we've been reduced to? This is awful! What could they have done to the ninja?_ Shikamaru looked back to see Gaara -- yes, Gaara of the sand, with the demon inside him and the crushing coffin sand technique -- shrinking away.

"Shikamaru, get out here! It's time for your interrogation session!" The demonic figure uncoiled a whip from his shoulder. "We've got some questions for ya!"

Shikamaru rose, nervous. "Okay…"

The monster grabbed Shikamaru. His touch was acidic, and the shinobi cringed. "Ah!"

"Yeah, well, tough it up, kid. We've got a lot worse in store for ya."

-----

Shikamaru was strapped down to a table that was tilted up about fifteen degrees. This let him see all the sharp and pointy (and flaming) objects that the monsters had.

"Right." The figure unrolled a scroll. "First question: what are the signs for the kagemane no jutsu? Your secret technique?"

That was a clan secret. "You've got to be kidding. I can't tell you--"

With impossible speed, the monster grabbed a branding iron and jammed it into Shikamaru's belly.

"AAAAAH!"

When the iron was removed, Shikamaru gasped in pain. But he still wasn't going to reveal a clan secret that easily. "Sorry. Still can't tell you."

"Okay… how about this one?" The monster picked up a whip with nails in it. "Let's try this." He began whipping Shikamaru.

Shikamaru's screams were loud, but no one but the monster heard him.


End file.
